Feeling Behind in Your 20s? Maybe You Just Need to Slow Down
The short answer
If you feel tired, less social, or less motivated than you did a few months ago, it doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with you. Energy and capacity change, especially during seasonal shifts and big life transitions. Feeling behind in your 20s is common, and often the right first step is to slow down and ask what you actually need. If the feeling lingers, therapy can help you sort out whether you need rest, a boundary, or more support.
Key takeaways
Changing energy, motivation, and social needs are a normal part of being human.
Your timeline does not have to match anyone else's.
Rest does not have to be earned.
Slowing down is different from ignoring how you've been feeling.
You don't need to be in crisis to start therapy.
Why do I feel more tired or less motivated when the seasons change?
As the seasons start to change, it's a good reminder that change is a pretty normal part of life. The weather changes. The days get shorter. Our routines change. And sometimes, without even realizing it, we change too.
Maybe you've noticed that you've been more tired lately. Maybe you don't feel like being as social. Maybe you've been wanting more time to yourself or just feeling like you need a little more space. Maybe you're not as motivated as you were a few months ago.
Sometimes our first response is to think something is wrong with us. We tell ourselves we're being lazy. We need to get back on track. We need to be more productive. We shouldn't be this tired. We should be doing more.
But what if you're not doing anything wrong? What if your body is just asking you to slow down a little?
You're human, and capacity isn't constant
We forget that we're human. We expect ourselves to have the same energy, motivation, and capacity all the time, when that's just not realistic. There are going to be times when you feel really good and have a lot to give, and there are going to be times when you don't.
That doesn't mean you're going backward. It doesn't mean you've lost your motivation. And it definitely doesn't mean you're falling behind.
Sometimes you're just tired. And sometimes you need to let yourself be tired without immediately trying to fix it.
Why do I feel like I'm falling behind in my 20s?
This can be especially hard in your 20s. There is so much pressure to figure everything out. You're supposed to know what you want to do, where you want to live, who you want to be, what your relationships should look like, and what your future is going to look like.
Meanwhile, you're still trying to figure out what you're doing this weekend.
It can feel like everyone else is moving forward while you're standing still. You see people getting new jobs, moving, traveling, getting married, starting businesses, going to grad school, or just seemingly having their life together. It's really easy to look at that and think, Am I doing enough?
But someone else's timeline doesn't mean anything about yours.
You don't have to have everything figured out right now. You're allowed to be in a place where you're still figuring things out. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to realize that something you thought you wanted isn't actually what you want anymore.
And you're allowed to slow down.
Why is it so hard to rest?
Rest is something many of us struggle with because we feel like we have to earn it. We tell ourselves we can rest after we finish everything, after we get caught up, after work slows down, after we get through this week.
But there will always be something else to do. There will always be another email, another deadline, another responsibility, another thing you could be working on. If you're always waiting until everything is done before you allow yourself to rest, you might never actually get there.
Rest doesn't mean you're lazy. Taking a night off doesn't mean you're unproductive. Doing less for a little while doesn't mean you've stopped caring.
Sometimes it means you're taking care of yourself.
How do I know if I just need a break or if something more is going on?
There's a difference between giving yourself permission to slow down and completely ignoring how you've been feeling.
Sometimes we tell ourselves we just need a break, but we've actually been struggling for a while. Maybe you've been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, disconnected, or just not like yourself. Maybe you're getting enough sleep but still feel exhausted. Maybe things that normally feel manageable suddenly feel like a lot.
That's worth paying attention to. You don't have to assume that something is seriously wrong. But you also don't have to ignore it.
What do I actually need right now?
Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself: What do I actually need right now?
Not what you think you should need. Not what everyone else seems to be doing. What do you need?
Maybe you need more rest. Maybe you need to set a boundary. Maybe you need to spend some time with people who make you feel like yourself. Maybe you need to talk about something you've been carrying around for a while.
And sometimes you might need some help figuring that out. That's okay too.
When is it a good time to start therapy?
Therapy doesn't have to be something you start only when everything has completely fallen apart. Sometimes therapy is just a place to slow down and check in with yourself. It can be a space to talk through what's been going on, understand yourself a little better, and figure out how you want to move forward.
You don't have to have the perfect words for what you're feeling. You can just know that you haven't really felt like yourself lately.
Give yourself permission to change with the seasons
As the seasons change, maybe we can give ourselves a little more permission to do the same. We don't have to force ourselves to stay exactly the same just because that version of us worked before. Maybe what you need right now is different. And that's okay.
You are allowed to have days where you don't accomplish much.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to not have everything figured out.
You are allowed to ask for help when things feel like more than you can manage on your own.
You're not falling behind. You might just need to slow down and give yourself a little room to breathe.
Ready to talk it through?
You don't have to have it all figured out. You're allowed to be a work in progress. If you're a young adult in Carlsbad or anywhere in California and you'd like a space to slow down and check in, book a consultation with Coastline Counseling Group.
About the Author
Ariana Clavell, M.A., Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #155773), is a therapist at Coastline Counseling Group in Carlsbad, CA. She works with young adults navigating relationships, transitions, anxiety, identity, expectations, and the uncertainty that can come with this stage of life. Sometimes you don't need someone to tell you to try harder. Sometimes you need a space to slow down, be honest about how you're doing, and figure out what you actually need.